 HEAVEN JOKE
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..." Another JOKE On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" LAST ONE Three young women in there thirties are on a road trip and are tearing down the freeway. unfortunatley, they lose control, the car flips over the guard rail on to the opposite lanes and gets smashed by an eighteen wheeler. Up at the pearly gates, all three of them are greeted by St. Peter. He tells them. "All of you led very good lives down on earth, so all of you will be asmitted into paradise. The only rule: "DON'T STEP ON THE DUCKS." Confused, they all ask "Um ... what?" St. Peter says "If you step on one duck, it quacks. If a duck quacks, other ducks will start quacking, and ... well ... you'll see." With that, the gates opened and the three waltzed inside. And, sure enough, All of heaven is covered with ducks. there is almost no room to walk with the millions of ducks. A day of careful stepping later, the first woman steps on a duck. Seconds later, every single duck in heaven is quacking. It's so loud the women aren't surprised if earth could hear it. Hours later, when the quacking ceased, an angel appears with a very ugly man and chains him to the lady and tells her this is her eternal punishment for the duck-stepping. Not wanting the same fate, the other two women become very cautious for the next week, but sure enough, the second lady steps on a duck. She gets the same punishment as the first lady. The third lady becomes so careful that, a year-and-a-half later, she is still duck-free. Then, an angel appears next to her with a very handsome man and chains him to her. Thinking that this must be a reward for her good-doing she asks the man gleefully "What did I do to deserve this?" And the man replies with a grimace, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
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 10 Awesome Bible Verses About the Power of Prayer Who is your source of power? This list of awesome power of prayer Bible verses is meant to encourage you today. I pray that you read through these Bible verses and then take them to God in prayer. Ask God for the wisdom and discernment to teach you how He wants you to pray and for what He wants you to pray for. Psalm 107:28-30 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven Ask Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it Pray in Faith This list of awesome power of prayer Bible verses is meant to encourage you today. Mark 9:29 And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.” Acts 9:40 But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up. James 5:14-16 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another,that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Always & With Thanksgiving Ephesians 6:18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Christian Quotes About Prayer Prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan. ~ John Bunyan The fewer the words the better prayer. ~ Martin Luther Prayer is an effort of will. ~ Oswald Chambers Our prayer and God’s mercy are like two buckets in a well; while one ascends, the other descends. ~ Arthur Hopkins If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. If they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees. Let no one go there un-warned and un-prayed for. ~ Charles H. Spurgeon It is because of the hasty and superficial conversation with God that the sense of sin is so weak and that no motives have power to help you to hate and flee from sin as you should. ~ A.W. Tozer Prayer is not monologue, but dialogue. Gods voice in response to mine is its most essential part. ~ Andrew Murray Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees. ~ Corrie Ten Boom Prayer is the acid test of devotion. ~ Samuel Chadwick Prayer – secret, fervent, believing prayer – lies at the root of all personal godliness. ~ Williams Carey My prayer for you today is that you take these Bible verses you just read and do something with them. Too often we just take information in and then move on to the next project or thing. Use these awesome Bible Verses and put them into action by being obedient to what they teach!    Facing Life’s Challenges – 3 Things to Expect......July 27, 2019 by PHIL-A-MIGNON Yesterday I was listening to a preached sermon titled, “You Can Face It”. It spoke to me directly as only God knows about the challenges in life that W4T Patriots are currently facing and dealing with. I was truly ministered by it and wanted to take this time to encourage and share a portion of the sermon with all of you. Whatever it is you are encountering OR need to face; whether that’s contending with problems, obstacles, Health concerns or issues, weaknesses, decisions, a wilderness experience or the loss of a loved one, know that through the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells in you, you can meet it head-on. Below are 3 things you can expect when crossing the path of life’s challenges. I hope to inspire you in advance to be encouraged and not intimidated by them. Let it embolden you to confront the challenges you’re suffering. 3 things to Expect When Facing Life’s Challenges The enemy will try to put fear in you When you make a decision to defy something, one of the tactics of the devil is to embed fear in you. Convincing you to believe you can’t do it and to think of all the things that will happen as a result of you confronting what needs to be opposed. Don’t give in to the schemes of the devil. We know that he comes to kill, steal and destroy and that God has NOT given you the spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind. Overcome the spirit of fear with faith. Expect people to change on you When Jesus was here on earth, the same people who smiled in His face were the same people who turned on Him and yelled for him to be crucified. Truth be told, when you are going up against whatever it is you need to face, not every person will understand. They may smile; talk behind your back and even reject you as they did with Jesus. Although Jesus knew this to be so, He didn’t let facing rejection, mockery, suffering and rejection stop Him from going to the cross. As the time became closer for Jesus to be crucified, He said to his disciples, “The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things,” he said. “He will be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead” (Luke 9:21) As the time of crucifixion got even closer Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Luke 22:42). As you see, Jesus didn’t want to experience being crucified, but He did for you and I. But while doing so, He had people, such as Judas, change and turn on him. When you make a decision to endure life’s challenges and confront the things you know needs to be grappled with, don’t be surprised when people begin changing on you as they did with Jesus. “But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats” (1 Peter 3:14). Expect God to work through you The Bible never says that everything we encounter and go through will be good; however, it does say that ALL things work out for our good. When you "face down" the thing God has energized in your heart to go up against, expect God to work through you; revealing His glory through you to others around you. You may not see it right now, but once you oppose this health issue, at the end of it all you will realize that it was for your good that you needed to resist and fight against it. You Can Fight It: Final Words Know that when you make a stand on this particular thing in your life, you can expect the devil to bring more temptation your way. Why? Because you’re actually doing something to spiritually grow in Christ. While you were wavering and unsure on whether or not to take on this particular thing, the devil didn’t need to do too much; but now that you’re dealing with it, expect the devil to tempt you more…but greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world. I know what you need to face (Health Concerns), the Lord used the sermon yesterday to tell US that we can face it and now I’m telling you that YOU can overcome it. Don’t allow the devil to hold you back from spiritual growth in Christ because of your fear to oppose this particular Health challenge. Cancel fear with faith. Don’t allow the devil to convince you into believing you can’t endure it. If God’s been nudging at your heart to deal with it, and then do it. Don’t worry about “this or that”. You may have to make some adjustments, but God will give you the strength, grace and courage to fight for life and confront it. Prayer for Facing Life’s Challenges Heavenly Father, I ask in Jesus name that you help my brother/sister face the very thing that you’ve laid on their heart to face. Give them the strength and grace needed to confront, face and deal with the very thing you know needs to be dealt with. During this time, open their eyes to the schemes of the devil and allow them to overcome every temptation. God, I thank you for them. I ask that you allow them to see that they’re not alone, for you have promised to never leave nor forsake them. I thank you, Lord for my brother/sister in Christ. Give them the strength, grace, joy and peace needed to get through this. Be blessed and encouraged in Jesus name I pray; Amen. |
